Last year I chanced upon an old facebook status and I’m grinning from ear to ear. Nah, manang na manang me is giggling like a teenager again. Not because of my Korean drama addiction. Not because of superman noticing my comments and likes. Not because of Mr. Crush passing by the Bundy clock. Not because of Mr. Versatile speaking eloquently in front of the crowd with his eyes smiling when he recognized me in the queue.

Manang na manang me is happy because of her Midnight Sun. Ah, that post below was inspired by him. We were good friends and we decided to be each other’s best friend. Hypocrite I was in denial and my bully of a conscience is pinching my behind. Hahaha. You know, things can be overwhelming and sunflower girl here is still adjusting. Heaps of thanks, handsome. I care. Yours truly – Rachel.

“Manang na manang me has this to say. I am very happy. At least for a few hours, I have laughed abandonly. I didn’t know that revealing your inner self can unload so many burdens. Sharing your dreams can be exciting especially if the receiver shares the same passion with you as well. I got to listen more too for the first time. Surprisingly, I learned a lot from a younger person. And indeed, you have to suffer first in order to learn. How do you consider your age when you feel and act young for the longest time. Though you might be away from the comfort of home, their protection and love can be overwhelmingly vast that you have to limit yourself. Again, consider your age. For a young person like you telling me about this and that about life is good. Really, really good. I have to try running and get sprained, wounded and outbalanced. That way when I run again, I will be careful about the hurdles and the u-turns. Thank you and kalimera.

This post was from August 2016. No matter how flirtatious my Midnight Sun was before, I never gave in to his sweet nothings. No matter how persistent he was with his random interest and teasing, I never imagined I will eat up my vow never to be swayed by a brilliant 25-year-old.

Geez. I am still floating. So cloud nine is not suspended physically on air, it can also be an overstimulation of the senses and bursting joy. What? Bursting joy? I must be crazy.

I never knew I will one day share my dreams with Mr. Midnight Sun. It never crossed my mind to be his sunflower girl either. What a mysterious play at destiny. What a funny twist!

Now I’m jogging. We are, actually. There’s no need to run. Jogging is more preferable because we can see the backdrop of nature on both sides and appreciate life and love.

We occasionally bicker. We have ups and downs. The commitment is just more than a week and we are still very curious about each other. Giddy? That’s for high schoolers and if I am really honest, I will be blushing like the sunrise.

Time zone differences are cruel. And we have to make an effort to meet each other halfway to reassure each other that we care. Imagination can run wild and ugly at times but we reminded ourselves to be contented of the short but precious minutes we chat. We have to trust each other and understand the constraints of each other’s jobs.

The temptation is on the other side of midnight. And while distrust may loom from time to time, I pray for strength and loyalty. We are not certain of the future but right now, I am just happy.

This can be a waste of time and emotional investment, some may say, but we love to counter those negative statements that we value time management. We’re not experts yet but slowly we are adjusting with each other’s little demands to constantly burn the flame of affection.

While skimming our entire conversation, I can’t help but smile warmly. So, in the end, I became his sunflower girl.

Regrets? The happiness, the belongingness and the feeling of being cherished and loved overshadowed every doubt I have.
We are still new and we will be threading deep and perilous sails in the future. We will fight and we will get mad at each other in between. We will ignore each other and get disappointed with each other’s flaws and scars.

We never know how far we will sail but as long as we trust and love each other, no journey is impossible.

Kanis tin zoi mou pio omorfi. S’agapo handsome.

You are amazing and I’m loving you more day by day. 

Many will doubt the sincerity of my words or the genuineness of the relationship but like what you said, mind over matters. 

P.S. I missed you. 

<a href=””>Doubt</a&gt;

<a href=””>Pattern</a&gt;

Updated March 11, 2017

P.S. We broke up recently and I am in the process of moving on. The pattern of on and off break up was tiring and the doubt is escalating every now and then. But I could not bring myself to unlove him. I cared for him so much until now, it hurts. I wonder if he had loved me sincerely back then?

Tomorrow is supposedly our first month as a couple. I missed him and if I can bring back the times, I should have trusted him more.

Well, that’s life, you gain some and lose some. The only way to survive the trials is to have a tenacity of the mind and the heart.