To watch a person kill himself is very interesting. In ignorance, one will imagine suicidal tendencies where wrists are slit, necks are hanged or bodies fell down from the 12th floor of a building. Gross but very predictable. And fortunately, it is not the kind of self-slaughter I was talking about. What I mean is this: low self-esteem. It is brutal and the effects are just as terrifying — like Marilyn Monroe’s overdosage from barbiturates and sleeping pills in the year 1962 or Alexander’s McQueen’s death after he hung himself in his luxury flat in 2010. These famous personalities were a far cry from low self-esteem but I believe that the depression that pushed them to end their lives despite all the glory and riches they have is the lack of loyalty and love for themselves.
You expect to see cadavers of the person, man or woman, old or young, neatly lined and covered with newspapers or black bag, sensationalized by television or preserved on the glossy side of paper. But those aren’t the sentiments of this write-up, it is the annoying truth where the living mimics the life of the dead, rotten with close-mindedness or silence. Afraid – always in fear of the opinions of others, often scared of humiliation, constantly nagged by assumed failures and incessantly sorry for everything but in truth there is nothing. Yes, nothing. Nothing, as in, nothing. Starting today, I will never say sorry unless I did some grave mistake.
Self-murder is a long process — and a by-product of many bad moments bottled up with heartaches not vented out. Self-esteem went down the drain and one becomes mute and deaf. Getting immune is a bad idea and makes the suicide more terrifying. It’s ok to make mistakes, to cry, to be humiliated but at the end we have to make amends and rectify our wrong-doings, dry our tears and prove to our bullies and bashers that we can do better. We are flawed and in our imperfections, we strive to become better. We were never a dead fish whose route is to follow the current of the stream. We are alive and we can always make a choice. Though our decisions hurt at first, the pain will remind us that we made it through our fears.
If you still hesitate to come out of your shell. It’s your bidding. You can kill yourself all you want but I will not care. It will be interesting. I will lit a candle in your demise but I assure you, your death is useless. You will be forgotten as soon as the tears will dry. Because in your lifetime, you choose to live like a dead man. What good is it to remember you?
Even if you lived for a short span of time, and you lived really really well. You were happy, you were free. You have no insecurities.You are selfless and contended. Keep steadfast in your prayer, remain Hopeful. You lived to be a blessing for others. You live to inspire. You live for tomorrow. You are always on the go. That is more than enough. And I tell you, it’s more interesting than living a corpse life.
Happy new year! Cheers to a better you! Horray to a beautiful you! With confidence, SMILE.