At times like this, I felt Señor Delfin’s spirit enveloping me. I imagine becoming rigid, entranced and then suddenly, my pen will ghostly glide along the papers, emptying the bloody ink til I write a period.
BY: R.A.B. Pedroso
06 July 2016 @ 03:59 am
If you cannot swallow the prejudice and bigotry, spit it out. Don’t wait after thirty minutes to check if you can tolerate more bitterness. Do not bide more time to assess if you are still breathing. Before you realized that it’s poison, you are grasping for air. Pray that one skilled paramedic is nearby to do some serious cardio-pulmonary resuscitation or else you will be murmuring your goodbyes.
A coward believes that life is unfair. Where the bold and the brave of hearts will aspire to go higher up the ladder, every day he will timidly content himself with staying on the ground for fear of falling and hurting himself. He blends well with the crowd, unnoticeable for awhile.
“That’s fine”, a coward will probably say. I shared the same sentiments a long time ago. I was too afraid to do what is right and scared to speak about my opinions. I don’t want complications and being singled out is not my forte. Intentionally, I say yes for the satisfaction of the majority. I nod in agreement just because it is expected.
Before, I had difficulty working in an organization. I was overwhelmed by the gravity of work and the expectations of my co-workers. I dragged myself to labor because I am being paid. My colleagues were not happy. They bickered at me and I cowered at them. It was literally a furnace of hell. But who in his right mind would like to have a co-worker as an enemy or a boss as a total arse skinning you alive daily? I endured the maltreatment for more than a year. I was paranoid, incompetent and nervous because I always hear their negative comments echoing at my back every time I worked.
I was hurt every day and I get accustomed to the pain. Then one day, the maestro conducted a spectacular show to my utter embarrassment.People pitied my silence. And the million dollar question popped up in my head – am I this worthless, to received so much shame?
I spend sleepless nights reciting the same old question. And then I realized that I was not raised by my family to be bullied. I was not educated at the best university to be stepped down. And I was not loved by my friends to be habitually insulted by others. I redeemed myself and fight head on.I stood up justified and became the person that God has created me to be.
Sister Elvira, my Values Education teacher once told me, “If you are scared, go and cry in your inner room. Don’t wallow in your wounds too long, though, time is of the essence.”
Falling out of grace, I climb the first step of the ladder again with composure, class, and character. I preferred the hard way than staying in the middle of the ocean where the only escape route is death. The worst that can happen to a man is to die without even trying to survive. I fear death, I will never be prepared when that day comes, but I know, that in this lifetime, at least once, I fought for my right.
I am happy now. I can smile gregariously. I can shout nonchalantly. I can cry joyfully. Because I didn’t swallow the stone that would have choked me to death. I spit it out with all my might. Looking back, that sad journey was not bad at all – I grew, evolved and matured from it.
How do you measure success and excellence? You can be competent with your job but more importantly, you have to earn that badge of respect from others. There is no greater joy knowing that the people around you are happy, comfortable and learning from you. They don’t fear you. They look up to you as an inspiration, someone whom they want to become in the long run. You don’t need to boast your accomplishments, you will be acknowledged more because of your humility.
There should be balance in all things. And in everything, let’s not ignore that little nudge of conscience to guide us to do what is right. I will be a hypocrite if I say that I do good all the time, of course, I have dark thoughts as well. I commit mistakes, intentionally at some point, but I am not a monkey who hears, sees and speaks nothing of what is going on. I am a human being. I can hear, I can see and I can speak. More importantly, I can choose, I can decide. And let me proudly tell you, I jumped at the pit without looking back. The unknown was never scary for me because the most terrifying place is the heart and mind without peace in it.# rabpedroso